For the Love of all things Good

It started out as an ordinary afternoon... a bit rainy, but not unlike any other afternoon really. Meagan and I loaded up in the van and headed to the school to pick the boys up. (As a side note, I dropped off their withdrawal forms today... the office ladies told me we aren't allowed to leave... sigh) We got the boys, drove home, and unloaded book bags and papers and all other sorts of normal, ordinary things.

And then it happened. "Mom, guess what we talked about in school today.... puberty" (which, by the way, he pronounced 'poo-bert-ee'... clearly indicating he is still my baby and if he can't even pronounce it... well... anyway).

Stay calm. Think clearly. Act like this is no big deal. Totally normal to be talking about pubic hair, zits, and sperm for an after school chat, no? Aaaack! WHY do they have to have this talk when his father is out of town! Do they not know what they're doing to me!!! Aaaaack!

Okay. Resigned to the fact that it will have to be ME that has this talk, I sit down on the floor with him. Start out by asking him what all they talked about - real nonchalant like. He says, "About changes I'll go through. And how boys help girls make babies and stuff." Oh yeah, they threw down the big guns. "They told us we should go home and talk to our parents about it."

"Well," I say, "what did they tell you about how boys help girls make babies?"

"That boys have these things... I can't remember what they're called, but they look like light bulbs with tails..."

I fill in the blank for him. This just keeps getting better.

"And then the sperm mix with a girl's eggs.... but Mom, I didn't even know girls HAD eggs. I thought birds and reptiles and stuff had eggs."

Insert brief explanation about how mammals have eggs INSIDE and birds / reptiles / etc often lay eggs OUTSIDE.

Pause for consideration.... "Then how does the sperm get inside to get to the egg?"

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD! Where is my husband!!!! *lol*

So I matter-of-factly explain the basic logistics, to which he promptly responds with a gigantic, "EEEEEEWWWWWWW. THAT'S GROSS" (Mind you, I went into almost NO detail, so he has filled in the blanks with the rest based on what is obvious.)

The conversation continued, including everything from washing his face with mild soap to prevent acne, to using deodorant, to hair and squeaky voices. Sigh.

After this blip, our afternoon pretty much returned to normal. We did snack. They started homework. I sorted through mail and papers. Normal.

While opening today's mail, I opened a card from Suzie & Keith that had a sheet of St. Patrick's Day stickers for each of the kids. Sebastian's face lit up with the excitement of receiving a sheet of stickers. And I lit up inside, relishing the fact that he still loves stickers. He still loves Pokemon. And he still thinks girls are gross.

How do I push pause. How do I keep him here? I am on the brink of watching my baby transition from childhood innocence into adolescent awareness. I do not know if I'm ready for this.

Why does life not have a pause button?